dextra: (Cherry Hammer)
Text convo with [ profile] cielamara.

Dextra: Beat em over the head with a Louisville Slugger and drink heavily. That's my motto.

Nikki: I want to see that in Latin on someone's coat of arms.

Dextra: God damn it. You know if you say these things to me I have to draw them.

Nikki: Well, you needed motivation to draw tonight, didn't you? :P

Dextra: Damn it. I was gonna piss around and play Arkham City.

Nikki: I think you should put some swans on there. Like oh, how dainty and pretty and then BOOM! HEADSHOT with a wing. Swans will beat some ass.
I ruin everything, it's my specialty.


Nikki: Trollolololol :D:D:D


Nikki: And maybe a four-leaf clover because it's on the Davis coat of arms and also to say BISH YOU LUCKY I'M TOO DRUNK TO REALLY STOMP YO ASS. Building a theme here.
Though if I were desigining a coat of arms for myself it would feature a goose and its mottow would be FUCK YOU, I'M A GOOSE, GEESE DON'T CARE. But in Latin.

Dextra: I did just get a coat of atms* in the mail. It's all Dr Who related. Odd coincidence.

Nikki: Clearly you need to design this coat of arms.

Dextra: Biiiiiitch.

Nikki: :D It's so cute that you're haing such a hard time spelling "mistress of all that is awesome."

Dextra: No, I think I know how to spell cuntbag. :p I'm also proud of my phone for having cuntbag in its dictionary.

Nikki: LMAO did you put it there?

Dextra: ...maybe.

Ok, so to recap, my phone is made up of equal parts LOL, OMG and WTF.

LOL - It's been known to change *hugs* to *jihad*

OMG - Its internal dictionary contains words like "cuntbag", "twatwaffle" and "Benedict Cumberbatch". There's actually a shortcut for the last one.

*WTF - Sometimes, things like "arms" come out as "atms". Now I'm wondering what the fuck a coat made of atms looks like. o_O
dextra: (I HAVE NO PANTS!)
[ profile] cielamara and I have been discussing hockey. Sort of.


[ profile] dextradawn: LMAO

[ profile] cielamara: And, I mean, I don't blame them. That is one fine-looking family.

[ profile] dextradawn: I just googled him lol

[ profile] cielamara: ALL AT ONCE?


[ profile] cielamara: OH SHIT I JUST LOLED

[ profile] dextradawn: Hell, I kinda impressed myself with that one :p
dextra: (mindfuck)
dextradawn: Well, if you're not doing anything tomorrow, would you mind giving me a ride to go apply at a couple of places?
Drew: Yeah, I've got to schedule some PT in morning, so I don't know what time I'll have but yeah, whenever I'm not doing that.
dextradawn: Ok, just whenever. I was going to try to talk to Mario a little in the morning
Drew: I think I can get an early appointment, also if you're applying to applebee's put Jeremy down as a reference.
dextradawn: K. I'm thinking I'm going to try the schools and the hospitals though. Maybe even *shudders at the thought* Tipton's Temps, see if they got anything that won't kill me.
Drew: What are you after in Applebees? waitress?
dextradawn: I dunno. I wasn't even thinking about it until you mentioned it. I don't know if I could deal with waitressing. I'm too fucking high strung anymore. I'd probably get fired within a week for snapping on someone
Drew: So cook then?
dextradawn: I'm trying to stay away from food if at all possible.
Drew: So why hit Applebees then?
dextradawn: I didn't say anything about Applebees. You did.
Drew: I'm a dope, I read apply as Applebees.
Drew: Sorry.
dextradawn: Hehe
Drew: Shaddup.
dextra: (Default)
Drew: My GOD. Have you seen Warren Ellis' LJ today? (AKA [ profile] mistersleepless, his post for today is particularly disturbing.)
dextradawn: I'm catching up right now, have yet to get to it
Drew:'s even more horrifying than what you told me about Chris last night.
dextradawn: Heh. We'll see about that.
Drew: I's pretty bad.
dextradawn: Ok, I'm never giving another blowjob ever again now
Drew: And the world just became a little bleaker.
dextradawn: I'll have to wait for the little gnomes in my head to eradicate those thoughts and bleach down my entire cerebral cortex before I'll even be able of thinking of that again
Drew: Well it's a good thing you don't have a predilction to blow random people as they cross your path.
dextradawn: Thankfully, no, I don't.
Drew: Heh.
Drew: Imagine how much better the world would be if we did that instead of shaking hands.
dextradawn: There would be a LOT of lonely people then. I know I'd be a recluse for the most part
Drew: I know it.
Drew: I remember your BJ rant.
dextradawn: I ranted on that? When?
Drew: Not so much a rant, you just said. "I don't like doing that."
dextradawn: Well, okay. Not so much that I don't like doing that, just not for everyone and not all the fucking time.
Drew: Ah. Not really sure what I'm going to do with this information...but okay.
Drew: Well...maybe if there's an evil robot version of you, and I have to shoot one down to save the world...
Drew: "Do you suck dick?"
Drew: "All the time..."
Drew: BLAM
dextradawn: *snort*
dextradawn: Or if I were to say "Never.." then you'd have to shoot that one too. I hear there's a few of me roaming about
dextra: (mindfuck)
Yeah, I have my own cult now. I think I was voted "Most likely to start a cult" in high school. Or was that "Most likely to be on the news for something stupid"? Oh well, I've done both now, so it's all good. *snicker*

This is a cult complete with hymns, prayers, and scriptures, even. And the scriptures are my unholy word, so you know they're completely fucked up. I always said I would kick the ass of whoever made me one of those fan club threads, but who can say no to their own cult? *wicked grin*

The Cult of Dextra

It's alll Kay's fault! *runs* )
dextra: (mindfuck)
dextradawn: Heh...that thread got really funny by about 40th post or so.
Drew: It suddenly stopped being about the snake after page two.
dextradawn: Yeah.
dextradawn: "why woukd you kill it ib\nsyead of just letting it leave on its own or calling to have someone come get. personally i think that you did wrong by the animal"
dextradawn: Well, personally, I think someone did wrong by allowing this person internet access
Drew: Well don't blame her that she lives in Disney cartoon where you can communicate with the animals and they'll put on the clothes of the man who you're going to marry and dance with you.
dextradawn: Hehehe
dextradawn: Mario got so mad he's threatening to kick puppies
dextradawn: BWAHAHA!!!!
dextradawn: Y'know there were only 2 people that got the Indy reference? That saddens me.
Drew: Well they were all too busy crying about the grasshopper that got sucked into the grill of their Neon or whatever.
Drew: When Michelle and I went to see LXG we were the only ones to laugh at "Call me Ishmael" and the Phileas Fogg reference.
dextradawn: Uncultured curs
Drew: Damn straight.
dextra: (Default)
Dextra (12:18 PM) :
*spits coffee everywhere*
Annullment?! When the hell did we get married?! LOL!
Wraith (12:18 PM) :
Just trying to stir up some stuff! LOL!
Dextra (12:18 PM) :
I must have missed that!
Wraith (12:18 PM) :
you were drunk
Dextra (12:18 PM) :
Damn. Figures. :-P
Wraith (12:18 PM) :
and horny
Dextra (12:19 PM) :
I miss all the good stuff when that happens :-P
Wraith (12:19 PM) :
and had just flung your bra
(which doubled as the bouquet...)
Dextra (12:19 PM) :
Stop it! I'm dyin' here! LOL!

And as if I hadn't already laughed to the point of tu, Drew? *snicker*
Drew: hey hey
dextradawn: heya
Drew: I'm trying to think of a new way to say what's up?
dextradawn: Que pasa?
Drew: So...anything bite you in the ass today.
Drew: ?
dextradawn: Nah. I've barely begun to wake up
Drew: Splendid. You got the kitchen clean?
dextradawn: Yeah. Sometime about 4 this morning
Drew: Aaaaaaah. Foul.
dextradawn: was a wreck. Mom had made hot wings and fries....grease and crap everywhere....argh
Drew: How dirty was the kitchen?
dextradawn: Pretty friggin' filthy
Drew: Michelle wants to ask you if you'd be willing to clean ours.
dextradawn: I love you guys.....but no.
Drew: *looks innocent with big kitten eyes*
Drew: Michelle: Then you don't really love us.
dextradawn: that only works if you do the Antonio Banderas voice
dextradawn: I don't like cleaning my OWN kitchen!
Drew: "Ju wantto clean myah keetchen seniorita"
Drew: *makes big kitten eyes*
dextradawn: *cracks up*
dextradawn: Oh god....please don't make me laugh too much. I'm already in pain from it this morning!
dextradawn: Reason being this:
Drew: That was funny.
dextradawn: It's gotten even worse since last night
Drew: I want to make you laugh s'more. "Praay for murcy from Pusssssssss In Boots."
dextradawn: *snort*
Drew: Now cleean my keetchen
Drew: Ahhh....I love you.
Drew: You know that right?
dextradawn: Yeah. You must. Not too many other people will put up with me for this long.
Drew: You flung you bra?
dextradawn: Er....he did....I did...I'm not even sure anymore
Drew: So always a bra flingee never a flinger.
Drew: *sniff*
dextradawn: I hear they're more fun as hats anyway
Drew: What they contain is the MOST fun as hats.
dextradawn: True. Kind of hard to go out in public like that though
Drew: But the looks of jealously you get make it totally worth it.
dextradawn: Before you get arrested, that is
dextra: (who me?)
In lieu of posting actual content because I'm amazingly tired for once:

spoon07: Well...thank you.
dextradawn: *hug* You're my lil big bro.
spoon07: Damn straight.
spoon07: and I'm the big lil bro.
spoon07: You're lil bis sis.
spoon07: lil big sis.
spoon07: rather.
dextradawn: right right...I get that confused *bonks self in head* Damn dyslexia!
spoon07: slydexia.
dextradawn: that too
spoon07: Hmm...a strange hybrid of Amanda and Dextra.
dextradawn: I like it!
spoon07: mental image there.
dextradawn:, manda, and THAT's scary
spoon07: Even better. Silk sheets and eventual calls of "oatmeal cookies"
dextradawn: Hahhaa
dextradawn: The mental image is erotic and distrubing
spoon07: Bwah chicka wah waaaaaaaaaah
spoon07: disrotic.
dextradawn: I can imagine Drea humping inanimate objects, me eating cookies, and Manda filming the whole thing
spoon07: Hmmm.....fantasy's over.
dextradawn: Cause you know that would be the case
spoon07: Most likely.
spoon07: Or the three of you would be thinking. "Call Michelle in here, Drew's head'll explode."
dextradawn: know me too well

The joy I get out of bursting people's bubbles should be a little bothersome. But it's not. *snicker*

dextradawn: I think if the avatar switch thing doesn't work, I'm gonna have to start using flash cards
kaylaraowl: *this is me* *This is Dru* *this is YOU IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!* *Oh, and this is a ducky*
dextradawn: LMFAO!
dextradawn: We think too much alike. This could be a good or a bad thing
kaylaraowl: hehehehehe
kaylaraowl: Yes
kaylaraowl: well, we've known that for years
dextradawn: True dat.
kaylaraowl: *giggles*

Don't worry if you're confused. That's fucking funny.
dextra: (Default)
Gir love...and making sure Drew sticks to his word...heh. )

In other my website updated (somewhat). Okay, I made lewd comments in my rantbox and stuck in some links to my deviantART page, Ill Will Press, and Prettyboy's website. Now I'm going to go hide under my bed before he kicks my ass for calling him "Prettyboy."

dextra: (Default)
Toronto>Ottawa says:
brain not work good morning
Dextra says:
Toronto>Ottawa says:
pesky Sugar Bear always stealing my Sugar Crisp
Dextra says:
i shot the Trix rabbit tryin' to sneak in the back door
Toronto>Ottawa says:
that smarmy bastard
Toronto>Ottawa says:
he had it coming
Dextra says:
thieving little shit
Dextra says:
and don't even get me started on that damn leprechaun!
Toronto>Ottawa says:
he's an IRA terrorist
Toronto>Ottawa says:
that cereal he always tries to sell is laced with cyanide
Dextra says:
Lucky Charms...he probably sticks his "lucky charms" in every box
Toronto>Ottawa says:
thats the secret ingredient
Dextra says:
ewww....leprechaun bits
Toronto>Ottawa says:
they're "frosted"
Toronto>Ottawa says:
wink wing
Toronto>Ottawa says:
Toronto>Ottawa says:
Dextra says:
I'm gonna go retch up my cocoa puffs now
Toronto>Ottawa says:
you're coocoo
Toronto>Ottawa says:
... for cocoa puffs
Toronto>Ottawa says:
I'm kaka for cocoa puffs
Toronto>Ottawa says:
or am I cocoa for kaka puffs?
Dextra says:
that sounds about right, you filthy canadian
Dextra says:
you like milk on your kaka puffs, or do you like em crunchy?
Toronto>Ottawa says:
I use pepsi instead of milk
Toronto>Ottawa says:
it gives it a kick
Dextra says:
mmm...fizzy kaka


Apr. 20th, 2004 11:15 am
dextra: (Default)
My grogginess that seems to prevail during most of the morning hours makes for some serious funny sometimes.
On the subject of screen names that contain the letter "x"....

Jim: Boltex. For all your bolt needs.

Me: Ugh. That word makes me think of a mechanical tampon. What the fuck is wrong with me today? I need more coffee.

Jim: (laughing) I just spat cheese all over my computer...

Me: Then my purpose for living is complete!

Jim: Yeah, baby!

On another note, I edited my friends list a bit, and deleted a few off there. I doubt anyone that got deleted really cares, since most of them are dead LJs anyway, or groups that have no purpose. But I have added a few people in the past couple of days, so HI THERE!
dextra: (Default)
Since I couldn't sleep, and had pent up silliness, I had to go unleash my evil up on the unsuspecting land of Bottalk. Because I can say damn near anything I want without fear of being reprimanded or banned. In fact, this sort of behavior is encouraged. I started by acting like a depressed goth. Because it was funny to me, at least.

1st post:
A wasp landed in my omelet.

I am forlorn.

Why did a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant land in your Omelet?

2nd post:
No, the winged harbinger of pain.

I must now despair and sit in the rain.

Oh, like this little bugger.
(picture of a huge wasp)
*Hands Dextra a Poncho and an Umbrella*

3rd post:
The bugger looks at me with its cold dead eyes, knowing it can cause me more pain than I've already endured.

This poncho and umbrella. They may protect me from the rain, but will they ever truly hide my scars?

Doesn't know what to say.
*leaves thread*


Yet another bizarre IM convo )
dextra: (Default)
I am shocked and amazed. Turns out Chainsaw is still amongst the living. Mom found him this morning scuttling across the living room floor. My turtle of doom LIVES! So now I've gotta find him a bigger bowl or better yet, get him in an aquarium. Right now he's in his old bowl, and I've got it in the living room now so we can all keep an eye on him. So whoo! Yay for turtles!

And then....there's this....

Jim says:
i assumed that to be the case
Dextra says:
hey, it's not a requirement of mine, but it helps
Jim says:
it should
Dextra says:
Jim says:
Jim says:
(i can say less than you :P )
Dextra says:
Dextra says:
Jim says:

Dextra says:
damn you!
Jim says:

Damn Brits and their quick-witted ways!
dextra: (cherry)
Dextra: my daughter has been going around chanting "badger badger badger" all damn day
mojo: hahaha
Dextra: she's a weird kid
mojo: you should show her All Your Base
Dextra: she's taken to calling herself "the joey" and referring to herself in the third person
Dextra: i think she's been watching too much mucha lucha
mojo: haha those are pretty cool kids
Dextra: yeah. and today she told me she was going to eat my soul with choco sauce
Dextra: i've started sleeping with one eye open
mojo: is that... like a pagan bar mitzvah?
Dextra: no...that's scary even to us baby eaters
dextra: (Default)
dextrahoffman: most of my friends are younger than me these days
Simple DarkLynch: It happens
dextrahoffman: when i was in high school, and after, for a few years, most of my friends were about 5 - 10 years older than me
Simple DarkLynch: well now youre returning the favor
dextrahoffman: i suppose so. I must impart my wisdom upon the masses! Consume massive amounts of hallucinogens and string cheese! Hump the purple highway of enlightenment! Yarrr!
Simple DarkLynch: jesus...does cleaning always fuck you up this much?
dextrahoffman: nah. I can come up with that shit off the top of my head at any time
dextrahoffman: i'm a journalist. it's my duty as such to make words grab people by the proverbial balls and make them pay attention
Simple DarkLynch: you seriously need to get laid for masturbate furiously
dextrahoffman: aww....and most people just tell me i need to lay off the drugs :P
Simple DarkLynch: Im sensitive to a womans needs
Simple DarkLynch: I know what she really wants
dextrahoffman: Ok, what do I really want right now?
Simple DarkLynch: sleep
dextrahoffman: WRONG! Right now I want a shot of tequila, a blunt, and a cookie
dextrahoffman: sleep is for the weak :p
dextra: (Default)
My. God.

This has got to be one of the funniest, if not most fucked up conversations I've ever been privvy to. To settle confusion, Funkatron is male. Muffincakes is female, even though she says she's 90% male. I haven't seen the bottom half, but I have seen the top. If she's male, so am I. O.o

Let's get ready to rumble! )
dextra: (Default)
Yeah, I'm bored and in a nostalgic frame of mind. This is pretty simple. Name X amount of songs and tell what feelings they invoke in you. The ones that really make you feel. It doesn't have to be a set number. It can be as long or as short as you wish. Mine will be long because I hear music in everything, and I feel as if there's a running soundtrack to my life that only I'm aware of. Anyway. On with the list.

Dream on... )

And a funny convo I had while typing this....

wheatgrass whale tits says:
I need your expert opinion as a part time lesbian
Dextra says:
okie doke
wheatgrass whale tits says:
man + ass sex = gay
wheatgrass whale tits says:
Dextra says:
wheatgrass whale tits says:
Dextra says:
why, someone trying to say it's not?
wheatgrass whale tits says:
close minded my ever...not getting penetrated ass
Dextra says:
wheatgrass whale tits says:
I'll tell the truth talk about doing women up the butt
wheatgrass whale tits says:
all the time
wheatgrass whale tits says:
Dextra says:
wheatgrass whale tits says:
I think it's a power thing
Dextra says:
i think so too
Dextra says:
i can't think of any other reason
Dextra says:
or the fact that subconsciously, guys think "Hole. Dick might fit in hole. Must put dick in hole, see if it fits"
wheatgrass whale tits says:
Dextra says:
other than that, i haven't a clue
dextra: (Default)
Prepare to have your ass laminated!

dextradawn: i almost wanted to take a nap in the van because it's warmer in there than it is in here *rolls eyes*
dextradawn: uh, not quite, homestar
mortigan: that's pathetic...
mortigan: homestar?
mortigan: wait..
mortigan: was that the crack i think it is?
dextradawn: depends. what did you think is it?
mortigan: a hidden crack at the north star
dextradawn: .....fucking dyslexia
dextradawn: no. i love the northstar. i worship it day and night.
mortigan: you're not dyslexic...there ain't no pill for stupid
dextradawn: FUCK AND YOU
mortigan: really....july it is then
dextradawn: you suck

Jesus Herbert Walker Christ...."what did you think is it?"


Somebody fucking shoot me.
dextra: (Default)
This convo started because of my icon *points*

mojo: your eyes look scary
Dextra: i was in front of a tv with a blue screen. that's why they look all glowy like that
mojo: that, and you have the spirit of darkness inside you
Dextra: true dat
Dextra: besides, i've got little witch tricks to make myself look more appealing to others
mojo: black magic? (or do you prefer to spell it majick?)
Dextra: i spell it magick....and i wouldn't call it black magic...magick is magick....what makes it white or black depends on how you use it
mojo: so your magic is black magick then?
Dextra: it's really more of a spectrum of greys
Dextra: black magick involves harming someone in some way. i haven't done that in a long time
mojo: did you do a groin-itch spell on me last Tuesday?
Dextra: no, that was all you
mojo: good
mojo: I mean
mojo: not good
Dextra: you might want to go get that checked out. or at least leave that poor goat alone. she may have gone and found some nasty donkey to get it on with when you weren't looking
mojo: whore!
mojo: I mean... what goat?
Dextra: hush darling :p
mojo: and Angronn
dextra: (Default)
superspic_99 : done snoozin', are ya?
dextradawn: yah
dextradawn: not going to morehead today after all. dammit
dextradawn: thanks for the...lovely "priceless" pics....i could have really done without seeing a couple of those this soon after waking up
superspic_99 : well, if ya didn't want to talk all yuo had to do was say so
dextradawn: i do...i'm just fixing lunch
dextradawn: i'll be back in a second
dextradawn: i'm back. with hot pockets
dextradawn: what, are you pouting now?
dextradawn: you there?
dextradawn: are you seeing this?

Nothing makes you feel quite as dumb as talking to yourself. I talked to another friend of mine, and he said YIM was acting a little wacky for him too. Damn the luck.



dextra: (Default)

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