dextra: (Default)
 You know what's really difficult to deal with? Having new happy romantic feelings and sad grieving feelings at the same time. I've gotten a lot of reminders of Mike lately. And I'm not miserable with grief over him anymore, there are just some sad, stinging feelings that I get when I think of him that don't linger as long as they used to. There are things I'll see or hear and I wish I could share them with him, but I can't. I get sad because of things he's missing. But then I also think of things that I'm glad he's not here for. And while I do miss him, I don't miss the bad times. I wouldn't want to just pick up where we left off because that was the worst. I would rather have him safe and sober, but that wasn't something that was meant to be, it seems.

And those feelings of sadness don't diminish the way I feel about Christian. I adore him. I may be a lot more careful with him than I have with other people in the past, just due to that whole experience with Mike. And then fucking up with Ray and Scott after him. Which is probably a good thing, in a weird way. Yeah, if nothing else, I learned that they are opportunistic assholes that don't actually care about me. I think they probably cared in a way, but not in a healthy way, and not in a way that I needed. 

Christian, whether he knows it or not, is very much what I need. He doesn't make any lofty promises or demand any emotional commitments from me. He just wants to share things with me and involve me in his life and make art with me. And when we're together, he doesn't expect anything from me, but he will hold me and let me doze in his arms (and occasionally playfully chew on me). He gives me soft little kisses. And even though he says he doesn't care for direct eye contact, he looks me in the eyes when he's talking to me, and sometimes he'll pause and just stare at me and smile. 

He drew me as a vampire, even though it was a dumb drunk idea I'd texted him before I went to sleep. I guess he thought I wanted to be a "pretty" vampire, and he warned me that he draws monsters. I loved it. He made me all fang-y with reptile eyes and a bloody mouth. And he even got my lip curl in there. It's one of the things my face does that I actually like. 

Today he texted me a picture of himself in a dressing room trying on new pants and asked my opinion. He told me he might have his RV sold and if so he's taking me out for cheeseburgers and he's going to come to DCC with me. I warned him I would make him my bitch if he did, and he said he was fine with that. I'm going to make sure he understands that means he's my personal slave for the weekend. Get me food and drinks, massages, hugs, chasing down cosplayers, taking me to the hotel for a mid-day break that may involve sex. And if I'm in one of my dresses, it will most definitely involve that, because I know the power my cleavage combined with my legs have.

The only issue I might have that weekend is Danielle and by extension, Rick. I do care about them a great deal. And up until this point, it's been a given that Danielle and I will at the very least end up making out. And that's something I need to talk about with Christian at some point. If we decide we're defining our relationship, that is. And I guess that we need to do that sooner rather than later. I know i want to be with him.

I know that he's having depression and body issues that are turning him off of sex at the moment. That doesn't bother me. Actually takes a lot of pressure off. And it also lets me know that he actually likes me for me. I mean, he and I laid on my bed for hours a couple days ago, and all he did was hold me and kiss me a little. And we play fought a little and all that. But he's a sensitive fuckboy, as he told me earlier. Heh. For being as sensitive and sweet as he is, he's very dominant sexually. And I...actually love that. I love that he takes charge and makes me feel small and just ravages me. But he also takes care of me and makes me feel safe and kisses me so passionately. 

When I think of Christian, in the middle of the night when I wish he was close, I just think of him holding me. I don't think about sex. I mean, sure, sometimes I do, but what I really crave is just him holding me. I think of how he smells and how I twist my fingers around in his hair. I love his hair. It's long and black and soft and curls around my fingers like it's always meant to do that. I just want to hold him close and kiss him and breathe him in. There's just this magnetism that draws me to him and I can't not touch him when we're together. 

I think I'm going to suggest that when he does get the RV sold that he should wear "not-jeans" and I should wear a dress and we should go out for fancy cheeseburgers and maybe take his Mustang out with the top down to celebrate. And that he can take me out on a "real" date for a change. I thought about that earlier and wondered how he'd feel if I wore heels, since I'm already a couple inches taller than him. My black stilettos put me at 6 feet. And he's only 5'7". He might not mind it, I dunno.

It's thinking about that that brings me back to thinking about Mike. He loved it when I wore heels. The taller I was, the more he liked it. Those big goth boots I gave Kirstine, he loved those. They made me at least 6'2". He'd dance with me and press his face into my cleavage and start kissing until he had me half naked. But only half, because he was weird about nudity. I thought about dancing with him to Dean Martin. Probably the most romantic he ever was, that night. And I loved him, always will, but romance wasn't his forte. And Christian is not unromantic, but he is shy and awkward, but I think if I help him feel comfortable enough, he can be.

I have the thoughts about Mike here and there. And I've talked to Christian about him a little bit. I didn't want to dump too much on him at once, but eventually I'll tell him everything. When I'm able to tell him in a way that he knows that he's what I really want and that he's not having to compete with a memory. I know that can be a daunting aspect in a relationship when it's present. But I'm perfectly ok to take things slow with Christian. He's worth it.
dextra: (THE BATBITCH)
  For [ profile] lightning_count, since I never post art here anymore. Deth Possum has been properly brought to life.

Feel free to share, but if you do, please include the shop link. Yes, I put this ridiculousness on t-shirts and shit:


Aug. 8th, 2013 08:12 am
dextra: (Toon Dex)
Pretty sure nobody cares, but I just deleted about 90% of my friends list. Probably going to end up deleting the whole thing soon. Might do that on my journal's 10th anniversary, just for the symmetry of it.
dextra: (Cherry Hammer)
Text convo with [ profile] cielamara.

Dextra: Beat em over the head with a Louisville Slugger and drink heavily. That's my motto.

Nikki: I want to see that in Latin on someone's coat of arms.

Dextra: God damn it. You know if you say these things to me I have to draw them.

Nikki: Well, you needed motivation to draw tonight, didn't you? :P

Dextra: Damn it. I was gonna piss around and play Arkham City.

Nikki: I think you should put some swans on there. Like oh, how dainty and pretty and then BOOM! HEADSHOT with a wing. Swans will beat some ass.
I ruin everything, it's my specialty.


Nikki: Trollolololol :D:D:D


Nikki: And maybe a four-leaf clover because it's on the Davis coat of arms and also to say BISH YOU LUCKY I'M TOO DRUNK TO REALLY STOMP YO ASS. Building a theme here.
Though if I were desigining a coat of arms for myself it would feature a goose and its mottow would be FUCK YOU, I'M A GOOSE, GEESE DON'T CARE. But in Latin.

Dextra: I did just get a coat of atms* in the mail. It's all Dr Who related. Odd coincidence.

Nikki: Clearly you need to design this coat of arms.

Dextra: Biiiiiitch.

Nikki: :D It's so cute that you're haing such a hard time spelling "mistress of all that is awesome."

Dextra: No, I think I know how to spell cuntbag. :p I'm also proud of my phone for having cuntbag in its dictionary.

Nikki: LMAO did you put it there?

Dextra: ...maybe.

Ok, so to recap, my phone is made up of equal parts LOL, OMG and WTF.

LOL - It's been known to change *hugs* to *jihad*

OMG - Its internal dictionary contains words like "cuntbag", "twatwaffle" and "Benedict Cumberbatch". There's actually a shortcut for the last one.

*WTF - Sometimes, things like "arms" come out as "atms". Now I'm wondering what the fuck a coat made of atms looks like. o_O
dextra: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I celebrate Crunkmas. And Festivus. And Alcohol Appreciation Day, which most folks refer to as New Year's Eve. And PRESENTS. :D

Oh god.

Oct. 21st, 2011 09:03 pm
dextra: (Donna voodoo)
I just had a horrible idea for a comic. I have several animal friends (real and imaginary). How wrong would it be to combine them all into one comic?

Ulath - Brony alien in a defective cat suit
Crash - the slamdancing squirrel that lives in our backyard
Armando - my imaginary friend, a ferret that often dons a strap on dildo to terrorize people with
Deth Possum - I drew it on a coaster at Red Robin once. It's literally just a possum with a machete taped to its back.

I could call it "Arkham's Home for Imaginary and Mentally Ill Pets".

I need help. On a professional level.
dextra: (Bones - Good God Man)
Post apocalyptic future dream. The saviors of humanity are (no shit) Muppets, the vampires of Bon Temps, Justin Powell and Cory Stringer. I don't think I should HAVE to elaborate further at this point, but for the sake of showing how fucked my subconcious is, I will anyway. It started with the vampires. I was in an hospital that people were finding refuge in. Bill Compton saved me from a bad vamp that wanted to skin me to see my what my finger bones looked like under the moonlight. Northman was around, but unfortunately nowhere near me. Damn it.

People were scavegeing for food. I recall a group of teenagers finding a stash of canned food and being very excited about it. I found Justin and Cory in a cafeteria, after the Muppets found them. And my mother was with them. There was a moment, when my mother said, there she is, there's my daughter! And all of them said hi to me and waved excitedly. And even though I'd just been attacked by a vampire, and seriously scared and confused, my smartass gene kicked in. I said (in my Dr. Nick voice) "HI EVERYBODY!" And about a third of the muppets yelled back "HI DR NICK!" and I did a fistpump and said "Them's mah people." No, I don't know why I did this, but if you know me, you're probably not surprised that I would.

There was a bunch of random scenes that floated around as well. It seemed that we were in NYC, because I could see the Manhattan skyline. Though the view was similar to that from the observation deck of the Empire State Building, so that was a little odd. Also of note, the Doozers built the World Trade Center back with three towers and barber's scissors sticking out the top. I don't know why. I remember seeing some other vampires wandering around at night, but of course, come daylight, they were running for the basement/morgue.

Oh, and Schaef was having a conversation with someone about where he had been. It seems we were all kind of scattered around NY. He said he was just out running his car up and down the highway really fast because there weren't any cops around to bust him, and it wouldn't mean anything anyway.

There was one thing that really disturbed me. More than the vamp wanting to eat the flesh off my fingers. That was The Count and Bubba (from the Sookie books) chasing cats. Wrong wrong wrong. Anyway. My brain is a very weird place to be at night.
dextra: (Dynamic Depth of Field)
Here, if you want to wear (or carry, or drink from, etc) the Gonzo Pirate, I tossed it up on Cafe Press. I may try to remove the background later so the design pops more, but we'll see. Go here, give me a reason to keep doing this shit. :)
dextra: (Dynamic Depth of Field)
Gonzo Pirate

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

(Yes, I'm adding a CC license to things from now on. Just covering my own ass here.)
dextra: (THE BATBITCH)

LJ loads faster on my phone than on my laptop. Weird.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

dextra: (Default)
Dead Girls Need Love Too

This photo got me barred from posting images to Facebook for the next 7 days. It was posted to an album with a tightly filtered group of people, and either one of them reported it, or Facebook decided to be a bunch of asshats and tell me that this is inappropriate. So I’m posting it all over the internet out of spite. :)
dextra: (THE BATBITCH)

So I'm testing out this new Android app that I just downloaded. Kind of sucks that all you can do with it is post, though. You still have to use your browser to view posts. Oh well.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

dextra: (Default)
I just cleaned up my friends list. No, I don't feel like explaining why. I shouldn't have to, it's my goddamn journal.

Oh hai.

Dec. 27th, 2010 03:39 pm
dextra: (Default)
I'm still here. I know I haven't been posting hardly at all lately, but I just really haven't had much to say. And in a lot of ways, I feel like maybe I've...outgrown this journal? I don't know if "outgrown" is really the right word. I'm not ready to say "no more LJ ever again". And I'm not deleting anything. But I doubt I'll be posting much. I still read, as much as I'm able. This new job has been kicking my ass. In a good way. And my attention has just drifted elsewhere. *shrug*

And there's a lot of history here, over 7 years of my life, the triumphs and the tragedies and everything are all here. And sometimes I feel like all that history is weighing me down. The last year of my life has been like one long slow press of a reset button. It's not been easy to finally let it up, but I think I'm finally at peace with everything that's happened in the last few years.

I'm still going to be around, and I'll still comment here and there. And I may even post once in a blue moon. I make no promises, though. I think this is a good stopping point, though. When it's calm and quiet, and I'm in a peaceful frame of mind. My account is paid up through February, but I won't be renewing it. It was a good run, though. :)

And according to my stats, this makes entry #2,599. That's a lot of yammering at the internet since September of 2003. I'm surprised I didn't run out of steam long before now.

Not much left to say except that's all folks. I'll be around. :)
dextra: (Default)
Because my phone remembers that night far better than I do. Lawlz. Anyway, my costume, in case you missed it, was fucking epic. It was so dark that neither mine nor Don's cameras could quite capture its nocturnal majesty. Seriously, I could go out and fight crime in that getup.

The Goddamn Batbitch

I may have to take some pictures of the coat on its own, because I spent a lot of time on it, and I'm proud of it. I put in a red satin liner after ripping out everything that wasn't necessary (and possibly some things that were. And I really didn't finish it out as well as I'd wanted, due to time constraints. But once I got the liner in, I cut the bottom hem into points, like a bat cape. My belt, which also was barely visible, had silver skulls, with draping silver chains. My shirt had a distressed red bat that I painted, which took FOR FUCKING EVER because I had to paint like six layers to get it just right. The mask was the most difficult, but the most rewarding. This was what it looked like when it arrived (I bought an original 1992 Batman mask off Amazon).

LOTS more pictures and story under here. )
dextra: (Default)
Are you retarded or something? Don't you know who the hell I am?

The Goddamn Batbitch

dextra: (I HAVE NO PANTS!)
[ profile] cielamara and I have been discussing hockey. Sort of.


[ profile] dextradawn: LMAO

[ profile] cielamara: And, I mean, I don't blame them. That is one fine-looking family.

[ profile] dextradawn: I just googled him lol

[ profile] cielamara: ALL AT ONCE?


[ profile] cielamara: OH SHIT I JUST LOLED

[ profile] dextradawn: Hell, I kinda impressed myself with that one :p
dextra: (Keep Music Evil)
Day 14: A song from the year you were born.

Ok, not the original, but I love this version so much. And Nancy Wilson IS playing, so it counts. This was one of the top 100 songs from 1977.

dextra: (Keep Music Evil)
Day 13: A song you sing in the shower.

Yeah, so....I did this. *hides under the bed*



dextra: (Default)

May 2017

2829 3031   


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 23rd, 2017 08:34 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios