dextra: (Cherry Hammer)
Text convo with [livejournal.com profile] cielamara.

Dextra: Beat em over the head with a Louisville Slugger and drink heavily. That's my motto.

Nikki: I want to see that in Latin on someone's coat of arms.

Dextra: God damn it. You know if you say these things to me I have to draw them.

Nikki: Well, you needed motivation to draw tonight, didn't you? :P

Dextra: Damn it. I was gonna piss around and play Arkham City.

Nikki: I think you should put some swans on there. Like oh, how dainty and pretty and then BOOM! HEADSHOT with a wing. Swans will beat some ass.
....
I ruin everything, it's my specialty.

Dextra: SHUT UUUUUPPPPP

Nikki: Trollolololol :D:D:D

Dextra: I NAME YOU BEYOTCH, RUINER OF LAZYTIEMS

Nikki: And maybe a four-leaf clover because it's on the Davis coat of arms and also to say BISH YOU LUCKY I'M TOO DRUNK TO REALLY STOMP YO ASS. Building a theme here.
Though if I were desigining a coat of arms for myself it would feature a goose and its mottow would be FUCK YOU, I'M A GOOSE, GEESE DON'T CARE. But in Latin.

Dextra: I did just get a coat of atms* in the mail. It's all Dr Who related. Odd coincidence.

Nikki: Clearly you need to design this coat of arms.

Dextra: Biiiiiitch.

Nikki: :D It's so cute that you're haing such a hard time spelling "mistress of all that is awesome."

Dextra: No, I think I know how to spell cuntbag. :p I'm also proud of my phone for having cuntbag in its dictionary.

Nikki: LMAO did you put it there?

Dextra: ...maybe.

Ok, so to recap, my phone is made up of equal parts LOL, OMG and WTF.

LOL - It's been known to change *hugs* to *jihad*

OMG - Its internal dictionary contains words like "cuntbag", "twatwaffle" and "Benedict Cumberbatch". There's actually a shortcut for the last one.

*WTF - Sometimes, things like "arms" come out as "atms". Now I'm wondering what the fuck a coat made of atms looks like. o_O

Oh god.

Oct. 21st, 2011 09:03 pm
dextra: (Donna voodoo)
I just had a horrible idea for a comic. I have several animal friends (real and imaginary). How wrong would it be to combine them all into one comic?

Ulath - Brony alien in a defective cat suit
Crash - the slamdancing squirrel that lives in our backyard
Armando - my imaginary friend, a ferret that often dons a strap on dildo to terrorize people with
Deth Possum - I drew it on a coaster at Red Robin once. It's literally just a possum with a machete taped to its back.

I could call it "Arkham's Home for Imaginary and Mentally Ill Pets".

I need help. On a professional level.
dextra: (Abbey Road Treadmill)
As I announced on Facebook yesterday, I am in possession of wheels once again. I'm pretty happy about it. It's a 1997 Mecury Sable. It's older, but it's in great shape. Even the engine is spanky clean. It runs great, and the AC is icy cold. And it's nice and spacious on the inside, which is good for me, because I tend to get a little car claustrophobic sometimes.

Pictures and other junk under here. )

And finally...I made an ass out of myself for lulz. And Fia helped.

dextra: (Transmetro  - Chairleg of Truth)
I have realized, in my brain dead stupor, what I should be doing as a career: proofreader. Or editor. Or any other career field that pays me to be an asshole to people for spelling like an idiot or using fucked up grammar.* I say this because I just did a quick skim of Facebook, LiveJournal and two forums, and in less than ten minutes I had the urge to punch fifteen people.

For a moment I thought that teaching English as a second language to Americans might be a good one. Then I got slightly depressed when I came to the conclusion that this is something that is probably necessary. Also, I wouldn't want to be a teacher. They're supposed to be somewhat supportive of even the most challenging students. And I think it's against the law to beat someone in the brain with a dictionary while screaming about homophones not being interchangable.

*I'm in no way claiming myself to be some sort of bastion of grammar, but compared to the majority of the internet, I might as well be. You'd never know it if you've ever heard me talk though. I fuck up the English language in ways that should be illegal if I'm talking. Except, however, when I'm at work and I've gotten through a few calls as a warmup. Then I can talk till my voice gives out (and sometimes it does).

But I'll never get over how many times a day I get called "sir". O_o
dextra: (Infinite Mockery)
I meant to do a post on this a while back. I think I only hesitated becuase a) I have a hard time talking about this without laughing so hard I cry and b) I didn't think anyone would believe me. But now, I have screenshot evidence a la Facebook:



Now, most of us live outside of the cultural vacuum that is Kentucky (apologies to those of you that are, but you know what I'm talking about). And to the rest of the world, the word "cornhole" makes you think of two things.

Photobucket

Or

Photobucket

I'm right there with you on that one. However, in the state of Kentucky, or more specifically, the Eastern half, cornholing is a game of skill. And I can hear at least one of you saying "But Dex, cornholing does require skill! *snicker*" Yes, I'm well aware of the joke potential here. Bear with me a moment.

I first heard about this mysterious game a couple of years ago while driving around my hometown with my mother in the car. I saw a hand-painted sign advertising a cornhole tournament. Yes, a tournament. I'm cracking up and my mother asks why. I point at the sign, since I was laughing so hard that verbal communication was now lost to me.

This is when my mother proudly tells me, with a straight face, "Well, you happen to be looking at the Cornhole Champion of Montgomery County!"

Photobucket

Once I recovered from my head explosion, my mother explained to me that Cornhole is a game of skill involving small cloth bags filled with dried corn and planks of wood with holes in them. That's about as far as I got. I can only assume that this is some form of redneck skeeball. A quick skim of Google search results seem to imply that this is the case.

But I still just about lose my mind whenever I think of my mother proudly announcing her status as a champion cornholer.
dextra: (Jason Statham fucks explosions)
Me: It's a little unnerving when I am reminded that I liked a page on Facebook called "Robert Downey Jr.'s dick".
Jason: Well it's very charismatic.
Me: It has magic powers.
Jason: That explains a lot lol
Me: Also? I found an acoustic version of What What In The Butt. I feel full of pride because my links usually end up going viral. And it has.
Jason: You are a trendsetter
Me: Strangely enough. And I know the power that I wield, so I try to use it sparingly.
Jason: Make pancake undies popular. For science!
Me: No. That's just wrong. That is blasphemy against pancakes. And vaginas. And I will tell you why.
Jason: Fine. I guess it would get messy I guess.
Me: Firstly, somehting as wonderful and delicious as pancakes would be sullied by their proximity to an asshole.
Jason: Drat!
Me: Secondly, vaginas + sugary things = OMG SIR NO
Jason: Double Drat!
Me: Now, bacon, on the other hand, totally suitable underwear substitute. Don't ask me why, it's science.
dextra: (Wolverine Pretty)
I haven't given up on the comic. I've just got so much stuff running circles in my head it's hard to pin any one thing down at a time long enough to shove it onto paper. But just for shits and giggles, I scanned this before I lost it. It's from a few months ago, while I was still figuring out how to lay out strips. I do this at work so that I can effectively waste both company time and office supplies. Who says I can't multitask?



Click for giantness. I'm particularly proud of the Ark in the margin there.

I'm still pissed about my hair looking like I slept in a bottle of merlot. Although, it is a proper gothy red, which would be cool if that's what I was going for. But it wasn't. It does make me want to pierce my nose, though. Which is kind of fucked up considering how I usually feel about piercing anything but my ears. Which is generally of the "FUCK NO" opinion.

I'm in a weird state of mind lately. *shrug*

Also, even though I've done absolutely nothing that could have possibly injured it, my right knee (the shitty one) started hurting like hell earlier. I was just sitting at work, and these shooting pains started attacking my knee. I mean like, when they happened, it was enough to stop me mid-sentence to gasp. Feels fine now, but that was really strange.

Bonjour.

Apr. 27th, 2010 09:16 am
dextra: (I piss excellence)
I got [livejournal.com profile] wandereringray the WHERE'S MY BLOODY TEA mug, and I couldn't NOT get something for myself.



Also, the two mugs were wrapped in enough bubble wrap to start working on my narcolepsy suit.


dextra: (Patrick Awesome)
I've been at work for about 15 minutes and gotten no less than a dozen "wow" and "whoa" comments on my monkey pajamas just walking from outside to here. This is hilarious. :D

Who Knew?

Nov. 30th, 2009 07:38 pm
dextra: (Urban Decay?)
I updated my profile on Facebook and got over half a dozen messages about it. Mostly pertaining to this:

"I unwaveringly support gay rights, gay marriage, gay adoption, and gay bake sales. Because rainbow sprinkles are delicious."

Including one message from a concerned person wondering if liking rainbow sprinkles made him gay. I replied to him and told him that it only made him gay if he was eating them off another dude.

God I love being me sometimes. :p
dextra: (GIR)
Is it sad that so far today, my biggest cause for joy is having my smartassness recognized on [livejournal.com profile] ljdq?

Well, it's got to be good for something. :p
dextra: (Firefly Karaoke)
Ok, I originally posted this back in 2005, but since I've referenced it a couple of times this week, it seemed like a good time for a revival. So here it is, in all its weird and wonderful glory, my brief time with the hippies and a cautionary tale on drinking unfamiliar tea. Oh, and a Smurf orgy.

Way back in the 20th century... )
dextra: (Squee - teh freakiness)
CHIMPANZEE RIDIN' ON A SEGWAY!

Boooooosh.

Mar. 27th, 2009 10:59 am
dextra: (Clerks - Pure cat-swingin' crazy)
I've got that weird, disconnected, yet omniscient feeling that comes with a good bout of insomnia. The kind that you get after being up all night drinking many cups of coffee and listening to silence. I want to paint some music or sing a picture. Maybe drum out some breakfast. If I didn't know better, I'd swear someone dosed my Coffeemate.

Think I'm gonna make some scrambled eggs and contemplate putting on actual clothes. Tony's still in bed, and Mom got up but fell back asleep on the couch, so I've got dueling chainsaws threatening to drown out the tv, and Gremlins is on G4. I haven't seen that shit in like 15 years. Still awesome.
dextra: (Batman na na na na)
Just as a reminder, I am still taking questions for my next video, and you can leave a comment with your question/request here on this post. I'll be posting a blog entry on MySpace later today to let those people get in on the act. I'm pretty sure I'll regret it. :p

I'm taking questions up until 5 pm EST tomorrow, and I will film over the weekend. So if you want to make me uncomfortable on camera, here's your chance. :D
dextra: (Justice League Internet)
I saw this post over on [livejournal.com profile] goth_macros and was thoroughly confused until an explanation was given in the form of this video:



I LOL'D so hard I cried. :D
dextra: (Jean says bring it)
I want to do another talky video. I feel the need to be weird on camera again. So here's your opportunity to help me out with this. Ask me questions. Then, I will answer these questions, on camera. Be warned, you may regret the answers. :)

My only stipulations are that I am not going to draw anything, and I'm not going to show any boob action (or any other body bits). I did that shit already, as you can see here:



I will leave this post open for questions for the next week, and then on the weekend of the 20th, shoot the video. Then I will upload it sometime the week following that, depending on how much editing I plan to do.

So ask me anything you want. I will answer them not matter how wrong I am, or how much bullshit I have to come up with to give you answer. :)
dextra: (Science Motherfuckers!)
Warning! NSFW! But worth sneaking a peek at anyway:

dextra: (Push Button - Receive Bacon)
I uploaded this yesterday and then promptly forgot about it. Tony has to listen to me blather on about how much I love Rock Band even more than you guys do, so he asked me to make a video of myself playing the drums. Far less embarrassing for me than the singing, I'm better at it than the guitar, but not quite as fun to watch.

But I do kick much ass. This is Buddy Holly on Hard. I can play it on Expert, but just not quite as well. There's a lot more flailing involved.



I dunno if the annotations I added to it will show up or not on the embed, but I stuck a few in there.

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