dextra: (Cherry Hammer)
Text convo with [livejournal.com profile] cielamara.

Dextra: Beat em over the head with a Louisville Slugger and drink heavily. That's my motto.

Nikki: I want to see that in Latin on someone's coat of arms.

Dextra: God damn it. You know if you say these things to me I have to draw them.

Nikki: Well, you needed motivation to draw tonight, didn't you? :P

Dextra: Damn it. I was gonna piss around and play Arkham City.

Nikki: I think you should put some swans on there. Like oh, how dainty and pretty and then BOOM! HEADSHOT with a wing. Swans will beat some ass.
....
I ruin everything, it's my specialty.

Dextra: SHUT UUUUUPPPPP

Nikki: Trollolololol :D:D:D

Dextra: I NAME YOU BEYOTCH, RUINER OF LAZYTIEMS

Nikki: And maybe a four-leaf clover because it's on the Davis coat of arms and also to say BISH YOU LUCKY I'M TOO DRUNK TO REALLY STOMP YO ASS. Building a theme here.
Though if I were desigining a coat of arms for myself it would feature a goose and its mottow would be FUCK YOU, I'M A GOOSE, GEESE DON'T CARE. But in Latin.

Dextra: I did just get a coat of atms* in the mail. It's all Dr Who related. Odd coincidence.

Nikki: Clearly you need to design this coat of arms.

Dextra: Biiiiiitch.

Nikki: :D It's so cute that you're haing such a hard time spelling "mistress of all that is awesome."

Dextra: No, I think I know how to spell cuntbag. :p I'm also proud of my phone for having cuntbag in its dictionary.

Nikki: LMAO did you put it there?

Dextra: ...maybe.

Ok, so to recap, my phone is made up of equal parts LOL, OMG and WTF.

LOL - It's been known to change *hugs* to *jihad*

OMG - Its internal dictionary contains words like "cuntbag", "twatwaffle" and "Benedict Cumberbatch". There's actually a shortcut for the last one.

*WTF - Sometimes, things like "arms" come out as "atms". Now I'm wondering what the fuck a coat made of atms looks like. o_O
dextra: (HIMYM - True Story)
I swear, if I ever write my autobiography, it'll end up in the scifi/fantasy section, or at the very least, general fiction, because no one will believe that half the shit that happens to me is real.

I went with Katy to go looking for a car on Friday. We pull in to the first place on our unwritten list, and we're greeted by a midget. I know he has a name. It was just a struggle for me not to turn into Guru Pitka from The Love Guru and start cracking jokes. I mean, he was a nice guy, for a car salesman. I filled out a credit application, and waitied. I hate that, because my credit is a joke. I was half expecting him to come back and tell me to leave before I tainted the other customers with my shitty credit.

I nearly lost it when he came back and said "How do you feel about a minivan?" I was so tempted, SO TEMPTED to bust out with a Mini-me joke. I stayed cool though, because I was trying to be focused on the task at hand, which was getting me a car.

We go look at the van. It's not bad, it's just older than I would have cared for, and kind of stained up. Getting the AC to work was a trick. That right there was a red flag. I took it for a drive, and it's not bad. I drove my Rusty Pearl (big old van) for a couple of years without a problem, so a minivan was no problem. But it just seemed like too much of a vehicle for me. Plus it was a 4 cylinder in a van that size...nah. Shit, my Jeep was a V-6, and sometimes it was pissy about steep hills.

So I passed on it, and unfortunately, with my shitty credit, that's all they really had for me. I may be able to get something with a better down payment though, so I'm just going to hang on to my money and see what next payday brings. Plus, there's other places to look, and Sonia, a lady at work, has a daughter with a car she's looking to sell cheap. If I can ever get to look at the thing, that is.

Also, my semi-drunken dyslexic judgement saved Katy $80. I was helping her replace the back door, when I looked at it and announced "They cut the grooves for the hinges the wrong way." When, in fact, they had not. So Katy calls Home Depot back and gives this guy a mouthful, and he offers her the money back. Justice appears to have been served.

Then, not five minutes later, Katy calls me back to the door and is laughing her ass off because the hinge grooves were cut the right way. My goofy ass just pictured the hinges going on in the other direction. Yay dyslexia! Well, I got her some money back on an overpriced chunk of house anyhow. We'll call it a win and just leave it at that. Even if I do feel like I need to be in a corner with a dunce's cap and a diaper, swinging a cat over my head.
dextra: (Funny if it wasn't me)
I am Murphy's Bitch. I have proof.




I picked them up to put them on after I got out of the shower, and they just fell apart right in my hands. No cracking, snapping, no warning, nothing. Just straight in two. I brought them and my trusty Gorilla Glue with me to try to fix them, but you have to be able to clamp it somehow while the glue dries. That's not going to work for these. I need to get some superglue or something that dries quick.

*headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*
dextra: (Heroes - Brains)
Brains, I has none. I'm here at work, barely. I was hurting so bad yesterday I didn't get to tell you all the whole story. I actually started hurting on Saturday. Just out of nowhere, pain smacked me like a train. And I had the kids there, so I was pissed off at myself because I wasn't spending good quality time with them. Instead I was in bed trying to bargain with my own head ("Please, just let me have today, you can hurt tomorrow...come on, you know I'm good for it...")

You know you're hurting when a big needle in your jaw is welcomed. )

So far today, I'm sore as hell. I took an ibuprofen when I got up, and some Excedrin when I got here. I don't want to get into the T-3's unless I really need them. My jaw is still prickly, but not that centralized stabbing pain. My whole head feels like I've got a band around it, squeezing. I feel like I got drunk and had the shit kicked out of me, and this is the day after and I have the worst hangover ever. But, and this is the sad part, this is MOST preferable to what I was feeling like yesterday, and that's saying something. At least I can type, form coherent sentences, and sit here without screaming. Much better than yesterday.
dextra: (Failboat)
Got in bed before midnight last night.
Woke up at 3 am drenched in sweat.
Fuck you, body.
Got up to allow myself and the bed to dry before going back to sleep.
Woke up and found the car won't start.
Fuck you, car.
dextra: (Failboat)
I talked to Gracie and feel better now. I realized I've been off my meds for a couple of days. I'm sure that didn't help.

Anyway, I found this and it made me laugh, so I thought I'd share. And it reminded me of Mario, which made it even funnier. :p

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor
dextra: (Funny if it wasn't me)
I started my new job today. Er, yesterday. I just got home about half an hour ago after being there at work on and off since NINE O'FUCKING CLOCK IN THE MORNING. This would be due to the collossal fuckup in the recruiting office. The girl told me to show up for orientation at 8:45. Okie doke. I get there right on time. The security officers look at me puzzled and tell me that Stacey (the fuckup in question) isn't even there yet. So I sit in the lobby for half an hour until someone comes down from recruiting and tells me that orientation isn't until 10:30. O....k...

So I putter around around the breakroom for about an hour or so, since it seemed pointless to leave and then have to scour the parking lot for a spot again. I get through orientation, which I'd been through before. I worked for this company a couple of years ago. The Nextel call center, you may remember my bitching about it. This is a different, slightly more civilized division, processing medical claims. I'm done with orientation at noon. Stacey starts directing the other new hires where to go and who to see. Then she gets to me and says "Oh, yeah, your team leader isn't going to be here for a while, so be back here at 4:00 to report for work."

I stared blankly at the back of her head as she took off around the corner, then tried to think of what I was going to do to kill four hours. I could have gone home. But, that would be a serious waste of gas and time. So I call my brother and tell him I'm coming over, to get out of bed, we're going to go eat. I'd only had about half a scone for breakfast, so I was ravenous by that point. So I go wait for him to get dressed and then we go eat. After that, we just hung out at his apartment until I had to head back to work.

As I expected, and as I have come to loathe, the first day is always chaos. The whole office was being refurnished, so naturally, everything was out of whack and there was no way to tell what went where. Terri, my trainer, finally got her affairs in order and got down to going over the instruction materials with me and Bridget, the other new person. Which is as dull as a dried-up turd. And long, and complicated. But it's one of those things that looks complicated on paper but will come to me in a heartbeat once I'm actually doing it. I never actually touched a computer all day except at Goob's house to check my email.

And then, since I remain Murphy's bitch, I finally get to leave at 10:00 (when I'm done with training I'll work till midnight). Not bad, yes? Weeeelll...it wouldn't have been bad, except for the fact that after I got back from my four-hour lunch break, I had to park in the very back row of the parking lot, the temperature had dropped by about 20 degrees, and it was raining. And I'd left my coat in the car. Yay.

So I'm good and tired and cranky now. Thankfully, I won't have to get up early in the morning again, and tomorrow should go a lot smoother (I hope). I'm gonna go fall over and drool on the couch now.

So tired...

Oct. 5th, 2004 02:57 am
dextra: (gene pool)
I hurt my back pretty bad at work tonight. Pretty bad night all around. Shorthanded, everyone was bitchy. Tabatha pissed me off and I sent her home. She's probably still pissed at me, but she didn't even want to be there anyway, so really I did her a favor. Then I had to go get some sauce and the damn sauce vat was stuck to the floor somehow, so when I went to drag it out of the cooler, something in my back went crunch. And then I couldn't straighten back up for about a half-hour. Then it took me and Ashley until 1am just to get everything cleaned up so we could leave. Of course, it would have been a lot easier if we had dishwashing soap. We ended up having to use some degreaser in the dishwater, and I ran out of gloves, so I couldn't help with that, since my hands are a wreck again. Right now I'm just trying to tell myself to be patient. It's only a few more weeks, and then I can tell em to piss off. Oh, how I can't wait for that day to come.

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