dextra: (Infinite Mockery)
I meant to do a post on this a while back. I think I only hesitated becuase a) I have a hard time talking about this without laughing so hard I cry and b) I didn't think anyone would believe me. But now, I have screenshot evidence a la Facebook:



Now, most of us live outside of the cultural vacuum that is Kentucky (apologies to those of you that are, but you know what I'm talking about). And to the rest of the world, the word "cornhole" makes you think of two things.

Photobucket

Or

Photobucket

I'm right there with you on that one. However, in the state of Kentucky, or more specifically, the Eastern half, cornholing is a game of skill. And I can hear at least one of you saying "But Dex, cornholing does require skill! *snicker*" Yes, I'm well aware of the joke potential here. Bear with me a moment.

I first heard about this mysterious game a couple of years ago while driving around my hometown with my mother in the car. I saw a hand-painted sign advertising a cornhole tournament. Yes, a tournament. I'm cracking up and my mother asks why. I point at the sign, since I was laughing so hard that verbal communication was now lost to me.

This is when my mother proudly tells me, with a straight face, "Well, you happen to be looking at the Cornhole Champion of Montgomery County!"

Photobucket

Once I recovered from my head explosion, my mother explained to me that Cornhole is a game of skill involving small cloth bags filled with dried corn and planks of wood with holes in them. That's about as far as I got. I can only assume that this is some form of redneck skeeball. A quick skim of Google search results seem to imply that this is the case.

But I still just about lose my mind whenever I think of my mother proudly announcing her status as a champion cornholer.
dextra: (It's funny and I'm mean)
-Coffee is good.
-Skin is ouch.
-Mom taking me and Tony out for Mexican last night was great.
-Mom having kidney stones is ouch for her, but at least her sleepy vicodin rambles are funny.
-Tony starting work today is good.
-Me having to chauffeur everyone in the house for the next couple of days is only a minor suck.
-Having little kids around is fun for the most part.
-Waking up to Lando yelling because he's created a body bridge between the computer chair and desk is heart attack inducing (he's 18 months old).
-Aiden insisted on Beth buying him a baby doll yesterday. He named it Steve.
-Finding my brother asleep on the living room floor was slightly disturbing.
-Finding out he did it because Ray (Beth's cat) brought him a dead mouse in the middle of the night was seemingly a good reason for it.
-Finding out that the dead mouse was actually a catnip-stuffed toy I'd bought for Zoe was enough to make me nearly piss myself laughing. He brought it to me wrapped in a paper towel to show me Ray's "kill".
dextra: (ROFL HOUSE)
This week I am thankful for...

Laughter. It's such a simple thing, but when you go for a while without it, you don't realize how it makes a hell of a lot of difference in your well-being. I love laughing. I love complex jokes that make you think, but I still bust a gut at some of the most base, childish things.

I like watching or listening to stand up comics when I'm down or just bored. Some of my favorites are Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Mitch Hedberg (RIP to those guys), Margaret Cho, Eddie Izzard, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, Stephen Lynch and Jeff Dunham. I miss when Bill Cosby was still funny. The Himself show still cracks me up.

And I wouldn't really count him as a comedian, but Kevin Smith is a great storyteller. If you've never seen it, An Evening With Kevin Smith and the sequel, Evening Harder are fucking hilarious. I guarantee you that if you ever say "Would you like a portion?" to me in a smarmy British accent, I will be on the floor rolling.

Oh here, seeing it for yourself is funnier than my explanation. )

So bored.

Apr. 19th, 2008 11:02 pm
dextra: (Trogdor)
Internets are boring tonight. Course, most other people have better things to do. Not that hanging out with the kids isn't fun, but they're being very annoying today. :p

The creative streak's still going strong. Here's where I'm at with Diana (if you click through, the image is HUGE, so just warning you):



I'm going to do the background in Photoshop, and the lasso is going to be re-done in that as well. I am going to finish coloring on the piece itself, but I wanted to go ahead and scan it in just in case I screwed it up.

Oh, and Val called me earlier and we were talking shit about people, so instead of absentmindedly screwing up Wonder Woman, I just started doodling. By the time I got off the phone, I had this:



I LOL'D.
dextra: (Firefly - LOL)
Brian called earlier and said he was sending a guy over to look at the apartment. No problem. I met him at the party, so at least we had met before. He looked at the place and seemed to not really be interested in it.

But he did say that he had wanted to talk to me more since the party. Heh. I just told him he was really sweet, but I'm moving next week and my life is way complicated. I didn't feel the need to explain any further than that. *smirk* I do think it's cute that I got hit on by a 20 year old though. :p

And if you want something to laugh at, or at least something that will make you wonder what the fuck is wrong with people, here's this:

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Greatest_Quotes_from_fundamentalist_christian_chat_rooms/
dextra: (Bat Cave)
Made it to Nashville. I'm sitting in my hotel room right now, and just thought I'd say hallo. I'm gonna go take a shower and then head down to the restaurant downstairs to get some food and possibly a drink or two.

In a slightly ironic twist, the restaurant is called Lafitte's and is an "authentic" New Orleans style restaurant. I'll be the judge of that. According to the menu here in the room, they have crawfish etouffe. I'm afeared. :p

Drew, as I was listening to Patton Oswalt (I'd made a comedy playlist and listened to him most of the way up), I had an idea. A drinking game for Werewolves and Lollipops. Take a drink every time Patton yells "Oh my god!"

You'd be totally sloshed halfway through.

Well, my stomach is telling me it's time for food, so later!
dextra: (Firefly - Twixt my nethers)
Gracie had to point out to me that my car has pride. I still have the temporary tag in the back window, and the little dealer's ad plate where my permanent plate will go. I bought it from Rainbow Pontiac Buick GMC, so naturally, their logo is a hugeass fucking rainbow.

That's how Gracie found my house. My car is probably gayer than I am.
dextra: (Failboat)
So Mr. Ellis' book, Crooked Little Vein is a featured book of the month on MySpace. I read it and liked it, so I wandered over to show some love.

You gotta love retards/trolls. The person who commented directly below me just went off on a tirade about religion, which was provoked by....nothing. Typical rabid atheistic ranting about people who subscribe to religious beliefs have mental problems. Whatthefuckever. It was the last paragraph (yes, there were paragraphs involved) that cracked me up:

"But by making them believe, & act, & think, & say, and do all these crazy things that are far from normal all in the name of a fiktishes god or the fiktishes son of god is truley insane!"

LOL FIKTISHES. I had to read that five times because I kept thinking, "I can't recall ever hearing of a fishstick god, much less a fishstick son of god."
dextra: (Gir - Doomie Doomie Doom)
Now, the girls haven't really had anything as far as a religious upbringing, but they know of the Christian God and Jesus. They know that when you die, you can go to Heaven and hang out with them. That's about it, really. So they don't have any kind of religious taboos that make them hold back when it comes to talking about them. Hilarity ensues.

Earlier today, as I was putting away groceries, Joey is talking to Jackie and CJ. I'm not really paying attention until something catches my ear:

Joey: I don't want to get old and die. Cause then I'll go to heaven, and I won't have anything to do except play video games with Jackie or play poker with Jesus.
Me: *doublespittake* Buh?
Joey: Well, I mean, he's got magic powers and stuff, right? He probably cheats. It's not fair.

That was...informative. *laughs* Jackie just joined in on the blasphemous funny a few minutes ago. I was putting them to bed and she was going on about this boy from her kindergarten class while we were in Arizona. This kid must have really pissed her off, because they're starting the second grade this year and she still complains about him. I told her that he was in Arizona and she'd probably never see him again, so please STFU already don't worry about it anymore.

Jackie: Oh thank you Jesus Christ Superstar!
Me: BWAHAHAHA!
Jackie: What? I've seen that movie. Daddy has it on dvd.

I love those little weirdos. :p
dextra: (KH You win the internet)
[livejournal.com profile] goth_macros

Go. Love. Laugh your ass off.
dextra: (Kitty centipedes)
Ashley showed me this just a few minutes ago and I about died. This woman can seemingly go on for days about "penis power".



I think it was in the last minute or so, just the way she said "VAGINA POWER!" made me spit water all over Ashley's desk.

PEEBERS!

Apr. 10th, 2007 11:09 am
dextra: (I'm da bomb)
I found a little snack for the next time you need to guzzle on some Haterade. ;)

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hater%20tots&defid=1580232
dextra: (Stitch butt wiggle)
If you don't have [livejournal.com profile] metaquotes on your friends list, you really should. It's sort of like the best of the best of LJ posts. And you get to read about stuff like this:

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5989568.html

I laughed till I cried.

Oh, and Avy, here's another review of Grindhouse that you can show to Green Eyes:

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/5991065.html

I haven't seen it yet, but the more I hear good reviews, the more I want to. I think I'll have to wait for it on DVD, though. This summer I'm pretty much going to be living at the theater with all the good movies coming out.
dextra: (Mindfuck)
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

One Moar )
dextra: (kitty surprise buttsecks)
<td align="center"> Dextra --
[adjective]:

Full of bees

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>


And now the reason I find this so funny (you must watch the whole thing to fully appreciate it):

dextra: (Ace FRLY)
Brian came in last night and I was watching the Style channel. I find those extreme makeover shows fascinating. Dialogue as follows:

Brian: What the hell you watchin' the Style channel for?!
Me: I was bored, and this is kind of interesting.
Brian: I ain't watchin' no Style bullshit, damn girly stuff.
Me: In case you've forgotten, I AM a girl.
Brian: But you're a cool girl. You like comics and stuff. You don't like that kinda shit.
Me: It's called being multi-faceted. You should try it sometime.
Brian: Fuck that. I'm one way, and that's the only way I gotta be.

Meanwhile Jennifer's over in the kitchen pantomiming shooting herself in the head.

More odd conversations...and some really weird TMI )
dextra: (Holiday Gir)
I spent the morning getting packages and cards mailed, so y'alls (yes, that's a word dammit) mailboxes should be all nice and splodey by next week. Oddly, it cost less to send a package to Canada than it did to send a card to Australia. Ooookay. :p

I love mailing stuff. I really do. It's like sending little bits of myself everywhere. And so far, I've sent toenails to 12 different states and 2 different countries. Just kidding. Maybe. :D

I've definitely got a cold, but I don't care. I got my usual winter supply of the big fucking Q (daytime and nighttime) last night. That was an interesting trip. CJ was driving, so when we left, there's this little road that we take to get back to the main road. Well, instead of turning left toward the main road, he turned right. I told him he was going the wrong way, but his reasoning was "It goes toward town, so it's GOT to end up there eventually."

Brilliance at work, obviously. Until we went about 3 miles and the road ended at someone's driveway. I tell him, "You know, that's how horror movies start. It's a cold night in the middle of nowhere in Louisiana. We're on a little bitty road in the boonies, just because you wanted to take a shortcut. Aaaaannnnd...right about....here...is where the scary undead Cajun dude is gonna jump out of the backseat and strangle you with a crawfish net, and then take me to a voodoo priestess as a human sacrifice."

His response: "I didn't know you knew the Cajun Christmas story."

Faith Friday contribution )
dextra: (Harry and SoaP)
So I'm sitting here last night totally downloading porn doing mundane research, and CJ was sleeping on the bed behind me. I noticed it was getting late, and I thought that I should make him go to our bed. Well, I heard him giggle. This is not good, I think to myself. I turn around and he's laying there, dead asleep, giggling like an idiot.

I go sit next to him on the bed, debating whether I should wake him up or not. I'm really curious as to what's so funny. Then he rolls over and mutters, "Little fuzzy fuckers..." and pulls the blanket up under his chin. Well, that made me laugh out loud and he woke up. So I tell him that I didn't know what he was dreaming about, but it must have been pretty funny, from the way he was carrying on. So he starts to tell me what he dreamed.
Oh yes, it gets better. )

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